Trust issues

I'm sad and frustrated. With the recent events a lot of information and feelings have bubbled to the surface and I am having a really hard time accepting it all.

Remember when I wrote an email talking about how the poverty here doesn't strike me as devastating? Well, I was wrong, sort of. It's the oppression that's incredibly devastating.

I think I've only recently begun to understand (well, actually 'feel') the real effect of oppression of the people here and it makes my stomach churn. I asked Steven a few weeks ago if he had someone, like a friend or family, with whom he could talk to openly about his problems, his fears, his thoughts. He pondered over the question for a while and then answered with a definitive 'no'. I thought maybe he misunderstood my question and explained again. He said, "no, there isn't anyone I can really trust--even in my family. Maybe one day once I marry, I'll
be able to talk to my wife about my thoughts and real feelings."

Tete and Dieudo are Sylvain's the best friends. Tete, Dieudo (both Togolese), and Sylvain (French) have been hanging out pretty much every day since Sylvain got here 8 months ago. This past weekend, I asked Tete if he trusted Dieudo. He answerd, "no, and if you asked him the same about me, he would answer 'no' as well."
I asked, "do you trust Sylvain?"
He said, "well, yes."
I said, "why do you trust Sylain and not Dieudo, even though you guys are all best friends?"
Tete, "well, it's different with Sylvain. Sylvain is not African. Dieudo is Togolese."
He went on to explain that since childhood, people here learn that everyone will take advantage of you if they can benefit from it in some way. Hence, it's important to trust no-one.

My host parents explained to me that underneath this big blanket of Togolese solidarity, it's a reality of mistrust. Because everyone has so little, they will do whatever it takes to survive, even if it means cheating others. When it comes to money, it's basically guaranteed that your best friend of 5 years will turn his/er back on you. The regime takes full advantage of the poverty and will pay large sums of money to anyone who can identify an opposition member.

I need time to think about all this . . .